Yesterday was a dark day for me. I was triggered by something by husband said and I spiraled. I allowed the darkness to swirl around me for the entire day. My mind was pummeled by disparaging thoughts about myself. I know who the source of such thoughts is. I know they aren’t true. But when darkness envelopes, it can be challenging to know they aren’t true, let alone be willing to do something about it.
I dare say that if you are struggling with depression or anxiety, you have experienced more than one such day of darkness and hopelessness. It’s real. So very real. The question then becomes, “What do I do about it?” or “Is there really something that can be done about it? It will just come back.”
The difference between yesterday and five years ago–when I was fighting the demons without any understanding about how to do it– was that I knew to immediately switch the voices in my head. I was actually surprised at how quickly I could do it, even though I was fighting the urge to just give in–and it was a big urge!
One message I heard myself say was, “I’m a bad person.” And because I have practiced the mentoring tools I mentor with, hundreds of times, and incorporate what my mentors have taught me, the response was immediate: “I am a magnificent person!”
Now lest you think this is nice for me but won’t work for you, I ask, “Who is telling you that?” Overcoming depression and anxiety doesn’t just magically happen by repeating some nice phrases. It comes through healing the brain and the mind. They go hand in hand. One without the other does not create lasting healing.
What I felt yesterday was not a result of depression or anxiety hanging on. It was a result of living in a fallen world. Five years ago this darkness that I describe would have gone on for days and days, being compounded from years of feeling it and not knowing what to do about it. Because my mind and brain have been healed, I could wake up this morning and feel very different–because the darkness was gone. I fought it–I didn’t offer a prayer and expect it to go away because I had faith it would. I offered a prayer of “what should I do?” and then I DID it.
The darkness is real. What will you do the next time you feel it? How long will it plague you?
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