Wherein I Forgive Myself

Today as I was pondering on my mode of operation during the years I struggled with depression and anxiety, the thought came to me that I needed to do another writing.  I was really contemplating what I can now see, years later.  I had a belief that I should wait for my husband to ask me about my day or what I was learning in the college classes I was taking; I believed that I should not just volunteer the information.  And so I kept quiet and just went about life.

This one belief has created more difficulty for me than I dare realize most of the time!  And while I am much better at volunteering what is going on in my world, especially with my husband, there are still times when I let the old programming win and I end up frustrated and angry.

So today when it became very clear that it is time to clear out some more cobwebs, I sat down to do just that.  And the first words on my paper were:  “I forgive myself for…”  I did not anticipate this at all!  What it tells me is that this one belief is now ready to really be done.  My mind is really ready to reprogram itself.  I have done so much other work with beliefs and ideas connected to this that it is now time to really put it behind me.  And forgiving myself is the last step.

If you were to forgive yourself for a belief that isn’t serving you, what would it be?  Just think on it.  It matters!

Inward or Outward?

There are two kinds of mindsets:  inward and outward.  The inward mindset says, “My depression/anxiety leaves me unable to function like I want.  I am a victim.  I wish other people would understand that I don’t have the ability to ______________ (fill in the blank.)  People who don’t have mental illness don’t get it.  Anyone who says otherwise is _________ (fill in the blank.)”

I use to have some inward mindset conversations about the depression that was plaguing me.  I used to think there was little that I could do to truly overcome and that no one could truly understand let alone help me.

And then I learned about the outward mindset.  Multiple posts give invitations to move towards this mindset.  This mindset helps me to see daily experiences and challenges as teachers–not as the enemy.  It helps me to see people as people.  Healing my mind came because I was given tools to change how I saw and thought.  And I acted.

I invite you to look at one relationship in your past.  Take out a piece of paper and write down how you view this relationship–inward or outward and how it is either of these.  Then write everything that comes to mind about what you can do to create a more outward relationship–how you can see the relationship as a teacher instead of as the enemy.

It matters!

(Insights from personal experience, The Anatomy of Peaceand The Outward Mindset.)